I’ve been making trips to the gynecologist for a few months now. It all started with pain during dilating — which is a medical need and therefore the pain couldn’t just sit there in the background. It made everything harder for a chore I have to perform.
We’ve been working on treating that pain, and it has helped to an extent. During this whole journey, the doctor super casually slid in a mention of vaginismus. Which I took up and followed with reading other people’s experiences with it. Stories by strangers.
Oh. My. Goodness.
I remember reading a bunch of these the very first time and feeling like I’m not alone in this world. There are people like me. I am not the only one frustrated to the extent I am. I am not the only one crying. Feeling broken.
To date, I read these experiences. They help me feel not alone. There are success stories. There is nuance. There is…so much here.
I hope things get easier for me. I don’t want to be stuck like this.
For now, I am stuck. And while every person takes their own time with it (a few months to a few years to as much as six years or even more), I pray that it won’t be so long for me.
Perhaps this is a call for unpacking trauma, anxiety, and more. Maybe that is what will truly help me get past this.
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